The Red Mask
I bought my first piece of artwork when I was 26. I was living in Tokyo at the time, fulfilling a 10-month contract working at Tokyo Disneyland, performing in 2 of the theatrical shows that ran daily. It was an extraordinary opportunity for me to have the time to deepen into Japanese culture which I seemed to know and feel viscerally. The park shows were fun, the Japanese cast members were exquisitely talented and professional and I, as a result, had my snobby “I don’t do theme park” conservatory trained ego delightfully smacked down and retrained, all while relishing everything that I was experiencing and learning.
One day, on my day off, I took myself on a solo adventure into downtown Tokyo, and after a long day filled with shopping and unexpected sights, I meandered into a second-floor art print shop, with cabinets galore filled with gorgeous woodblock prints. I was overwhelmed. By the variety, colors, and the sheer number from which to choose. I looked at many that day, but I purchased the very first one I pulled out.
The Girl Taking Off the Smiling Red Mask.
I remember the tears that sprang to my eyes that day when I first saw it, standing in that crowded, dusty shop. At the time, I couldn’t have articulated why, but I know now, it’s because I knew that that I, too, wore this mask of a “happy face”, and that I longed to take it off. The mask of the good girl, the mask of the people pleaser, upbeat, sugar and spice, and everything nice. The mask of the perfectionist. Back then, I didn’t even know how to express anger or sadness, let alone depression. As women, we are often not socialized to reveal anger at all. No, who am I if I’m not perfect? How many of us hide behind this mask?
As Brene’ Brown says, “If I look perfect, live perfect, and work perfect, I can avoid or minimize criticism, blame, and ridicule.” We’re afraid to be vulnerable, to be perceived as weak. I was unaware of my need to wear my mask of perfectionism, the inability to share emotions or viewpoints that were somehow not “upbeat”. But in truth, it’s when we show up as our real edgy selves, flaws and all, that is when we’re most courageous. When we share our vulnerabilities, we open ourselves up to letting go of the stress and anxiety of maintaining the façade of our mask, and to the potential of developing deeper and more meaningful relationships, both with ourselves and with others.
What lies beneath the mask? The freedom to be me.
#TheRedMask #TheEdgeofEveryday #PerfectFitVirtual #FreedomToBeMe
www.SandraBargman.com
